shit happens

it has been a very rough past few days. friday morning Gerry McHugh a dear friend and lakeland legend passed away of a massive heart attack that just came out of no where. he was 46 survived by a bakers dozen of siblings (who all still live in ireland), his sweet Molly and their 4 children. Jack the youngest is only 14, Seamus is a junior in high school, and his twin girls Katie and Grace are 19 away at college but home now getting hit by emotions no teenagers should ever have to deal with. it would be one thing if he was a shitty person. but Gerry i believe was one of the most respected individuals in lakeland. he opened Molly McHugh's in 1996 and took a big risk but that pub opening brought life to downtown. shortly after Molly's business started popping up everywhere then Gerry opened a few more establishments. when Gerry bought you a drink, you felt like you had truly made it. he was a smart stubborn business man. he played soccer and was known by everyone in the central florida soccer community. his team played with out him the night he passed away. He was a devout catholic and was very involved in the kids school and in church.
he was so excited when chad asked if he could start working for him a few weeks back. he told me that he couldn't believe chad would want to work for him and he was so relieved because he knew chad could be trusted working in a place that he loved. chad and i met at Molly's. so many friendships, marriages, business partnerships have happened because Gerry had this dream. i'm so grateful that he was brave enough to leave Ireland and go for the american dream. he left a huge dent on our town and downtown will not be quite the same.
why am i including this on my infertility blog?
glad you asked.
2012 has already had so much death. a 23 year old from our church passed away from cancer right after the new year. a friend of mine from high school had a baby that lived for 33 days due to a diaphragmatic hernia. now Gerry is gone. these things shake the faith of everyone. if someone denies it they are lying. you don't immediately go to the "oh everything works together for good, lets sing praise songs to our awesome God who let this happen" moment. a year from now we will still be asking "why?". i have to just look at it and concede understanding. it won't make sense because it shouldn't. do these events bring people together? yes. and that part has been amazing the last few days but he is gone and quite honestly i told God he shouldn't be.
its that same feeling when you see mom's having unwanted kid after kid. or someone having an abortion based solely on inconvenience. why let life happen like that when there are so many suitable parents grieving over not getting to parent. these questions won't get an answer on this side of heaven and i'm usually really good at not focusing on them but the last 3 days have put that"why?" stuff in the foreground again and i will continue to just say "i don't know" (but i really want an answer dammit). i'm glad God knows, but if He's trying to win people over, this ain't the way to do it! But he is bigger than my selfish mind. He is bigger than my ideals of what is right.
this weekend has been hard and so surreal. being in mollys knowing he'll never be coming in the door just feels off. seeing his son last night who wanted to go in and work in honor of his dad was heart breaking. pray for the McHughs. this will change so many people but they are the important ones to focus on.