i had a little miracle happen today. now i probably would be reprimanded for refering to an act of God as "little" but it wasn't astronomical by any means, just neato. for weeks my dad has been sending me blog entries from a gal named holley... its called "heart to heart with Holley" and they are short tid bits of encouragement to persevere and look for joy and praise God. nothing groundbreakingly theological or dripping in Biblical teachings but happy, encouraging, inspiring words to keep on keeping on. i look forward to them each time i see that he's sent me one.
well today i had the day off... it was a comp day since i worked saturday and i hadn't a clue what i was going to do with my day so i laid in bed for probably an extra hour this morning procrastinating touching toe to floor (cuz that means theres no going back to the delight of my favorite pillow). i read the Bible a bit... i'm still stuck in the end of Hebrews and then i cap it off w/the book of James for motivation... then i got my email from dad. yeah! i decided to do a little searching of who this holley chick is and found her website www.holleygerth.com and read a bunch of her blog entries and even sent her a quick thank you email. nothing special but i did mention that her words have encouraged me during the trial and journey of infertility... a few hours later after lunch and walking the lake (holy hot today) i came back to chad's office and did some further searching. i just had to know why she has this heart to help people and why she writes the way she does. finally i saw the link "bio" duh.. it'd been staring at me for a half hour i just didn't see it. well low and behold she and her husband are also dealing with infertility! unbelievable.. that's why i feel so connected to what she writes.. we are of the same thread! i then emailed her again earlier this evening to share my discovery and doubly thank her for just understanding and taking the stance that she has.. she's written a book that i'll be getting in the mail soon called "Rain on Me" and i can't wait to get it and read through it.. it's a devotional/workbook and i just finished "pathway to purpose" by katie brazelton so i'm ready for a new one.
last night i did start feeling a little sorry for myself for a few hours.. yep another pregnant friend. i want so badly to not make it about me. today i was reading an exert from holley's book and she says "its okay to not be okay". i think she's right. as a christian i feel like i have failed when i get sad about the circumstance i'm in. i want to be strong i don't want to let God down and not be content with all the blessings He's already given me. sometimes i have big tears and fighting words and i always bring them to God in prayer (if you wanna call it prayer.. its more like a one sided shouting match) but i feel guilty after like i should always be prim and proper like God can't handle my being blunt. how silly right?! so no more feeling like i pray to honestly.. God already knows how i feel and i want God to always be the first place i go when i'm happy or miserable. so today is a new day and i'm pressing on. Waiting on the desire of my heart happy at the moment to just sit and dream :)
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