.... this is a to be continued entry... i'm coming back from lunch/walking the lake/target and publix... but i wanted to write today about how much happier i feel. i was so worried the last couple weeks that i'd lost the peace i'd gotten to. i'd sunk into a deep pit of despair and self pity. i am still mad that i got so down but i feel validated in a way. i'm not losing it! it was just that stupid medication! something to be thankful for. there is redeeming value in everything sometimes you just have to stretch to find it!
so talked to the doc's office today. nurse said new doc's orders... quit taking the prometrium now. that will make me start my period in probably a week to ten days then call and we'll do another 150mg round of clomid on days 5-9 of my next cycle and then 1-2 days after i get the go ahead from my ovulation monitor that i've ovulated start taking the prometrium again every day twice a day.
its bitter sweet and i told her well at least i'll only feel like poo the last half of my cycle. of course inwardly i'm thinking... right no duh that's what i should have done last cycle so i wouldv'e ovulated but don't listen to me til i ask a 2nd time and complain that the prometrium made me skip ovulation... oh well. its in the past and lesson learned. i know now i'm on the right track. i'm not super stoked on taking the prog. supplement again b/c of how mopey i feel on it but hopefully the hope and joy of a potential pregnancy will outway the gloom. thats my plan for now.
oh yeah.... so my new years resolution beside making a baby of course was to read the proverbs 31 woman every day for the year. which i have done pretty well up until this last week. i have been obsessing over the abraham and sarah story so much i did some online research and read a few things writers had come up with as far as perspective and faith. one lady mentioned hebrews 11 being such a good faith chapter that is often overlooked (probably because hebrews is not light reading). i've switched my daily passage to hebrews 11. it gives so many examples of people having faith throughout the Bible. so i leave you with verse one:
1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
i believe Lord. i have the whole time whether i've been elated or deflated. i know your power and have seen miracles with my own eyes. healing that wasn't possible except through you. i know you have secured in my heart the peace that chad and i will get pregnant and have a baby. i know that everyday that goes by gets us one day closer to that precious day that we find out we are pregnant and i thank you for filling these days of waiting with so much learning and growth. i'm stubborn and some days i don't grow or learn well but i know that you are looking for me to be patient and persevering and then reward will be all the more sweet.
2 peter 1:3-10
3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters,[a] make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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