matthew 6 (an expert from the sermon on the mount)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

this passage came to my mind on sunday night and i'm really becoming thankful that i read through most (totally skipped the begats) of the Bible back in december b/c i am reminded of certain passages at certain times when they are needed. when i read this specifically i think of myself and so many people i dearly love that struggle with control. trying to do everything perfectly in order to feel safe. in my case trying to speed up God's will and feeling like i actually can do that. i love this picture of God's fatherly side. look at the birds their instincts tell them to do exactly what is needed for that day and their needs are provided for. maybe if we didn't have so many distractions we might be able to focus on our instinctual needs as well and be comforted by the fact that if God looks out for blades of grass then how much more does he look after his most beloved creation?!

i was telling my good friend lesley last night about how i feel like the tough part of the infertility is over and regardless of if i am pregnant now or if it still takes a while i have learned so much about faith. nothing in the world will keep our children from us when it is the right time. doesn't matter what meds i take or how many vitamins i constipate myself with (oh yeah that's a whole nother blog!) it will happen when its supposed to. i've felt so rushed to force it. i have felt like we are lagging behind and that no one will care when we finally do conceive b/c it'll be old hat. i have worried that i would resent our child when she is born because i've spent so many tears on wanting. i let doubt creep in for so long and it has had its stay. it's exodus is far overdue and i'm thrilled that i have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. i'm not really running towards it i'm just praying that each of my steps are guided. that i can rest in each day and enjoy the blessings all around me that i take for granted so quickly because of this distraction. each day has its own challenges and i am done with looking up at this impossible mountain thinking i've gotta get over it in one step.

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.