Seeing red.

More bleeding after 72 hours of nothing. This time it was worse. I woke up with really light pink watery spotting which honestly didn't concern me at all. Doc said to expect it so I brushed it off, taped in a pad  the size of a dictionary and off I went to work. I've had really bad gas the last few days b/c of constipation so my stomach all morning was very queasy. It's hard sometimes to tell the difference b/w cramps and gas especially when you are reading into EVERY twinge your body makes. Went to the bathroom around 2:00 to do the progesterone gel and the blood came. Heavier, brighter red and dripping (sorry for TMI but this is my blog so get over it). This was worse by far. 

I called the clinic to report it due to the color I was very alarmed (bright red = bad). Nurse called back and said based upon Sundays ultrasound this was to be expected and everything should be okay. She said to call if I start passing clots and/or have cramping that's worse than a period. 

This is not fun at all. I knew to expect more but I thought it would have happened right after the first incident. Since it has been days I was assuming and praying that the uterine bleeding would just re-absorb into my system. Guess not. 

If you read this please pray that this isn't the end. I had a moment driving home from work where I felt that sense that it was over. I'm feeling more positive now but having a hard time connecting to anything emotional about all of this. With me when it rains it pours so when tears do happen I'll be a mess.

Trying to find a positive in this. I know it's not over. Chad said concerning the 2nd sac that he for one of the only times in his life felt like it's divine intervention that it probably won't make it. We've told very few people about the embryo splitting and some don't understand that it isn't awesome or cute or neato. Me carrying twins is life threatening to all 3 of us. If my uterus was the standard size I'm sure I'd feel differently but right now I'm just focused solely on one. 

I'm at home now resting. My queasiness feels better since I went to the bathroom (more TMI?) so hopefully the cramps won't come. 

This totally sucks.